13 Red Flags (I saw and ignored) that he (or she) may not be right for you

Rata de alcantarilla y Corazón abandonado. Obra de Antonio Fabella.

We all want to be in love and feel loved but sometimes during this search we find a person that is truly not a good match for us but we stay hoping that the guy will step up to the relationship. Here are my 13 red flags that should make you reconsider the relationship you are in. (This may be helpful for guys too)

1. He does not show any love or has any nice gestures with you.

A man who cares for you will open the door for you, will ask about you, will call, will keep in contact, will want to be a part of your life.

2. He rarely keeps contact.

With technology these days, it is ridiculous to say “I didn’t have time.”  We all have at least three minutes to send a whatsapp, a text, a viper, a voxer, a tweet… anything!! If  he has time to post something on facebook or twitter, he is not thaaaaaat busy, don’t overthink it. He is making a conscious decision about posting on facebook rather than sending you a message. And if you asked what’s going on, he just would accuse you of being crazy or possessive. Oh, yes, he blames it on a lack of privacy at work… You are his partner, girlfriend, significant other… so what’s that privacy BS about? Oh yes, somebody may discover he has a girlfriend…or maybe he has made it clear he does not want everybody to know about you two to protect you from gossip. Really?

3. When you go out, he must look (and comment) on every girl he sees.

And not only that, he strategically sits you in a place where he can see girls walking by…Listen careful: RUN!! In a few months you will become as insecure as the worst and then jealousy will take the worst out of you (I’m speaking out of experience, unfortunately). Don’t allow it. You don’t deserve to be exposed to this. It’s obvious women are a sexual object for him, nothing else. A man who loves you will give you the respect you deserve and no other woman will ever matter.

4. He does not like that you check your social media or your e-mails or even make a phone call in his presence.

But he does not stop checking his phone or his messages…and replies to all of them too. “It might be important, maybe his family or his work.”  And your communication needs are not important?

5. All he cares about is what he wants to do.

You would like to do many things with him, share time together but he only wants to stay in and watch his games. I am not against doing this once every now and then but every time you see each other?

6. His values are different from yours.

Values are important. They are the base for any relationship. You can like the same things or enjoy the same shows but if your values are not similar, the relationship is destined to be doomed.

7. He spends money but…

You agreed on how expenses were going to be, but it feels like he leaves you to take care of the big expenses and does not offer to help or complains because he paid for something you had, be careful, he might be just taking advantage of you just to get a free ride. Hard to say but there are many guys like this today.

8. He looks down to others (and you).

He has to make a negative comment or complain about every person or thing he sees. He feels that nobody is good enough for him (and you, of course.) So, how can you expect he will believe you bring value to his life? Look at how he treats others, especially his family and children, if he has any. This is especially important when you have children and he will be a role model. Think, will he be there for your child if you were not around? Be extremely careful if he calls you names or makes derogatory comments towards you or your decisions.

9. He judges everything you do and say.

And he always finds incongruences. If you don’t believe in something,  he will question until you get tired of explaining yourself; If you have to work long hours, he will doubt you are even working, Forget your job, he won’t believe you have a degree or a beautiful heart because you help people in a hospice. He is a liar, therefore everybody must be a liar too. You should not need to prove your honesty every 5 minutes.

10. The Sex God

He has satisfied all the women he has dated. ALL of them. But you are not that sure about that. It is not that it matters to you (you love him just the way he is) but… YES, sex matters… and making love only happens when there is…well, LOVE. Is he attentive to your needs or is it just an act of 5 minutes “and let’s get dressed and go out?” Hmmmmm… I think I rest my case.

11. Alcohol is his best friend

Drinking is good once in a while but when he has to start drinking and continue drinking (and asks you to drink while you barely drink) ’till the day is over… something is wrong. Alcoholism is a progressive addiction. More important, what happens when he drinks? Does he become aggressive or is he as functional as the pilot in the movie ‘Flight”? BIG RED FLAG.

12. He knows everything about you… do you know everything about him?

Trust is basic. When there is no trust, there’s nothing. It’s impossible to know a person completely but you should be able to know where he is or who his friends are, do you…? Just saying.

13. Is his temper, tempered?

When you lose control of yourself because you feel betrayed, sad, irritated, will he know how to support you or will he react aggressively? Think of that. You could end at least with a bad bruise.

A relationship must bring the best out of you, not the stress in you. You must feel happy, loved and in peace. If there is none of these feelings, then stop and reconsider all your options, even letting that relationship go.